Ms. K and the Rocket Scientist will finally be reunited!

I've achieved a major feat today. I managed to book my plane tickets to see Alexander over Christmas, and in the process, NOT ONCE did the internet go off, the power shut off, or the website respond with "We are sorry, but Clear Trip's system is behaving badly. Just like a person, sometimes Clear Trip has bad days." This never happens! Mad props to India for having everything work this time! Last time we tried to book something, it took Aileen and I weeks for it to finally work!

The Shoilink

(Please bear in mind that this is a sample I used for older students when working on writing and presenting with style and pizazz (ala The Onion), not the boring “copying-directly-out-of-the-book-crap” they always do.) 

Respected Principal Ma'am, Vice Principal Sir, teachers, and all my dear, dear friends. Today, I am going to recite a speech for you. (This intro is how EVERY CHILD starts a speech)

Do you ever feel like you are wasting time in the bathroom? Do you sit in silence, contemplating ways to make your morning routine more efficient? Obviously, these exact thoughts blurred through the minds of builders and contractors in most yet-to-be-fully developed countries, and the product of such mental exertion, the Shoilink, has taken much of the world by storm.

Have you ever felt the immense desire to shower while pooping? How about the burning impulse to shave your legs under a tap while peeing? Does washing your hands in a sink while washing the conditioner out of your hair in the shower sound like a time saving alternative in exchange for doing both in a non-concurrent fashion? How about washing your dirty/feces encrusted feet off with the toilet hose while plucking your eyebrows in the mirror?

Ponder no longer, dear friends. Thanks to the invention of a room that has it all (a shower, sink, and toilet, all within 1.567 steps of each other), you can do EVERYTHING AT ONCE!

-----The students thought this was a hoot and a half and laughed like crazy. Then the students told me how they multitask in the bathroom… and then I laughed like crazy!!!

Teacher's Day

Now, I’ve only celebrated one Teacher Appreciation Week (TAW) in the US, but I believe that I have had enough exposure to know that India’s traditional “Teacher Day” kicks America’s ass. Traditionally, the only ass-kicking India does to America is in the fields of science, maths, and curry. ;) But experiencing Teacher’s Day in India made me realize that America has nothing on lovin’ its’ teachers.

We feel APPRECIATED!

Where I taught in the US, TAW was celebrated with bagels Monday morning, a canceled Wednesday morning staff meeting, and a specialty coffee making lady on Friday morning. At the time, I was tickled pink with joy. Usually I like kind words to show that I’m appreciated, so free bagels and coffee blew my mind.

I received more roses from
students than I've ever
received from boyfriends!

That was, until I came to school on the 5^th of September. At first, I didn’t expect much. I just got in an autorickshaw and arrived at school like normal. But then the rickshaw driver didn’t charge me the normal 50 rupees (a little over a dollar). He just smiled and yelled something in Hindi and drove off. Walking into school, and throughout the rest of the day, I was hailed by children of all ages, bearing cards, roses, pens, smiles, high fives, elbow fives (I’m making that shit spread!) and the occasional chocolate (it is already well known that I’m a dark chocaholic). Teacher’s Day, it seems, is a day when students get the chance to hero worship their teachers, showering them with gifts, and begging them for their autographs.

He's me for the day :)

The best part came at morning assembly, where I was informed that students from 12 class would be acting like the teachers that day, taking our places in all our classes. I was replaced by a 12 class guy. Then, the students in charge (acting as the principal and vice principal) lead the teachers and students in rousing games of musical chairs, memory (Which I WON…mainly because the list of things to remember was in English!) and a singing competition, where a teacher would start singing a song, stop in a random part, and then the students would have to pick up where they left off. Hilarity ensued. Did we waste almost three hours of the school day? YES. Did I care? Ab-so-lute-ly NOT!

In the words of Charlie Sheen, "WINNING!"

After the students all left, the teachers had two hours of free time (class was let out early that day), so I spent time chatting with Shivali, a young woman who I adore. I also took the opportunity to learn how to do some Indian paper craft. It’s pretty sweet! After that, we were fed lunch…and I do love free food!

We are always behind...

But we are slowly catching up! If you go back to June, you can see our time in Seattle, to the Grand Tetons, and through Yellowstone...and eventually, I'll even start blogging about India again ;)

Jaipur

Jaipur

Things that rocked about Jaipur:

My new best friend and I!



Princess!

-Meeting and riding elephants



-Touring a bunch of forts with a camera crazy tour guide



-Feeling like a princess in a castle turrent 

Hey ma, there's a sheer
drop on the other side :)!


-Drinking Fanta/doing yoga at the highest cliff in the city

-Buying purses made of camel leather (Yes, to all you animal lovers, I know I’m a bad person)



Hey ma, there's a sheer
drop on the other
side of this wall as well!



-Using awesome Wi-Fi at our hotel to call people back home



Tired of men staring at my water pipe!



-Seeing an NGO support street girls



-Riding in rickshaws with extra-large seats!



-Climbing in places I'm not supposed to climb



In front of Amber Fort



One of 5 billion pictures
our tour guide took of us!



Leaving Delhi always feels good. I want to go someplace other than cities, because I need some green back in my life. Or some farmland. Or something that resembles the Midwest. And maybe a hamburger ;)









Being Sick in India

Being sick is never fun for anyone. In the US, I hardly ever missed school because I was sick. Here, on the other hand, everyone is sick all the time. During monsoon season, it is impossible to keep anything hygienic. Even in one of the richest localities in Delhi (Defence Colony, where all rich expatriates live) the Delhi Jal Board (water organization) is being sued because dirty sewage water has burst from the pipes and into the drinking water supply, contaminating all the water being used with fecal matter.

Uh, can anyone say GROSS?! That’s disgusting, but because of that reason, when my roommates and I fell ill (for the first time) on Thursday the 18^th of August, we didn’t think much of it. We had had our first meal cooked by our cook, and we figured she had just used dirty water, and that was why we were all unable to leave a radius of 5 feet from the bathroom.

Saturday came, and we adventured all around Delhi, acting as tourists. Nick and Aileen felt better, but I was still having problems. By the end of the night, my abdomen was so distended I looked like one of my former students in Tanzania. On the Metro, multiple women offered me seats (an act of heroic proportions-- getting a seat on the Metro is a battle) because they thought I was pregnant and my face made me look like I was miscarrying.

Since it was a long weekend (thank you, random Indian/Muslim/Christian/Sheikh holidays!) we had no school until Tuesday, so I spent my time resting. I went back to school on Tuesday, and was greeted by choruses of “Ma’am, Ma’am, you look very bad, Ma’am”. I felt weak and lightheaded. Wednesday morning, I went to school, but promptly left at the morning meeting, as I started to pass out.

I rickshawed my way to the Max Medical Center (the most efficient doctor’s office I’ve ever been to) registered, and because of my nasty pallor and general facial expression (one man told me I looked like I was an unfriendly ghost), I was bumped up to the head of the line, and quickly admitted into the doctor’s office. Shortest. Wait. Ever.

Shortest. Visit. Ever. In a country where becoming a doctor is the desire of at least half the population, you have to wonder where they all went. India exports a large number of its’ doctors, leaving only 1 doctor for every 1000 Indians. There are more Indian doctors in the US than there are in India (The Times of India). Crazy.

The glorious rehydrating IV

So I was quickly ushered in, and within three minutes of describing my symptoms, getting my blood pressure taken (uhoh, 90 over 50!), and getting my abdomen patted down, I was ushered out of the room.  It was discovered that I had a bacterial infection in my spleen and stomach, dehydration, low blood pressure, and general weakness caused by malnutrition, seeing as I hadn’t kept any food in for a week. I was then triaged, carried to a bed, hooked up to IV drips, and injected with tons of medicine, along with being rehydrated with IV fluids.



BED REST! BED REST!



I spent the next two days at home resting, Facebook chatting, watching Star Wars, and chugging water like it was my job. And then I went to Jaipur, because, let’s be honest, I was going to be sick no matter what, and I was much happier being sick on top of an elephant than in my bed!!

Weekend of being tourists in Delhi

Red Fort!

1)      Sights we saw



Red Fort-Built in the Moghal Period, this fort was occupied by the British during colonization. The fort was made by the same guy who made the Taj Mahal. While the Taj was made for the woman he loved the most (what a gift!), at his fort we were introduced to the halls where all his concubines lived. What a guy.



Jama Masjid at night



Jama Masjid- Although India has a lot of Hindus, the country itself is a mashup of different religions, thanks to the fact that it was invaded every 2.5 seconds in history. Jama Masjid is the biggest mosque in India, and we went to it later in the evening. It was super cool looking, but unfortunately, our super pale-white faces showed underneath our head coverings, and we were not allowed inside. We went back for Eid as well, and alas! We couldn’t go inside again. Because we were in an all Muslim area, Nick and I took advantage of their love of meat, and had grilled buffalo from a street vendor. YUM! 

 

They could still tell that
we were white :(



India Gate and two pretty ladies!

India Gate- Not only a tourist attraction to visiting foreigners, but a tourist attraction to Indians from all over, India Gate (India’s memorial to its’ soldiers lost in combat) was an incredibly sight to see. While there, we saw multiple protests supporting Anna Hazare. We also were photographed like celebrities by the visiting Indian paparazzi. (See bullet number 3 for more information)

Sound and Light Show-For some, this is an awesome way to learn about history. For me, it was not! Sound and lights shows are quite popular in India, as they make “history come alive to the senses of sight and sound!”. Unless the sound and light show is narrarated by the penultimate speaking voice of Morgan Freeman, count me out!


Lotus Temple



Lotus Temple- Home of the Baha'i Fatih, this temple is a pilgrimage for all of those who believe that, "The Earth is but one country and manking its citizens", spoken by Baha'u'llah.



2)      Things we saw

Peeing everywhere- Never mind the plethora of peeing stalls created for men (don’t even get me started on the fact that there aren’t any public restrooms for women), there is nothing more that I enjoy than watching a man whip it out and pee whenever the mood strikes him.

Underwear-less babies- SO CUTE! And efficient. They poop, it hits the ground, and no diaper was harmed in the making of that poop.

Adorable little kids outside the mosque asking for chocolate-Could they just sense that I love chocolate too?

3)      Number of times a stranger asked to take a picture with us…too many to count. What’s better than having pictures of white strangers with you in your family vacation album? Apparently, nothing!

No family picture is complete
without an assortment of
white strangers!